My Career Plans in OK

I was reading a book by Matthew Kelly, “Rediscovering Catholicism” when I was struck by what was written:

“In relation to the well known fact that Gandhi read from the New Testament everyday and often quoted the Christian Scriptures, a reporter once asked him why he had never become a Christian. He answered, “If I had ever met one, I would have become one.” In his own way, Gandhi was saying, “Don’t tell me, show me!” and simultaneously revealing his yearning for an example of an authentic life.”
Kelly goes on to explain why the modern philosophies have eroded at the authenticity, sincerity and thus the power of the Christian message.

He goes on to say “I will leave it the reader to decide whether we have built our culture on rock like the wise man or on sand like the fool (c.f. Matthew 7:24-27).” The philosophies are Individualism (what’s in it for me?), Hedonism (pleasure as ultimate goal of life) and Minimalism (what is the least I can do and with doing it?). Also Relativism and Materialism- encourage us to do whatever we want whenever we want. “…their fruits: greed, lust, laziness, gluttony, selfishness, exploitation, and deception”

Jesus said, “Whoever wishes to follow me, let him deny himself and take up his cross.” (Matthew 16:24). I ask myself, what person (Saint) has lived a life of faith, self-denial, discipline in order to follow God’s call in their life, taste a bit of heaven through communion with Him and regretted it? Why? Because Jesus also said “I have come that you may have life and have it to the fullest.” (John 10:10)

I was meditating on this and inspired by this for a few reasons. I feel as if recently I have been focused on Individualism in order to get through this summer of bar prep. During law school there were short bursts of this (during finals) but never enough to shake my relationship with God, with my husband or make me feel like I was neglecting my child. I have not had enough time to go to Church in months, to listen to my husband and to play with my child. I have to devote it all to making myself remember a huge amount of information for a short period of time.

I was talking with another student who is taking the bar last night at the library. For her this is a means to an end but her situation is different. She is getting married to another law student in August. They both start work in September. She is in a different phase of her life.

I have children now. I have a husband with a very difficult and demanding career. I think God is showing me how difficult, stressful and damaging it will be for me to work full time at this phase of our life.

I told the law student that I was moving to OK last night and she winced and asked me if I was going to take the bar there also. I said no, we don't have the money. I said it was alright because I believe God is telling me (by sending us to OK) that I am supposed to stay home with our kids and take care of our family in OK. She said she got goose bumps. I knew I was speaking from the heart and saying it aloud made me happy.

It may be hard to rationalize this decision to those who are focused on my individual fulfillment (Individualism/Hedonism) or those who are focused on how we are going to support ourselves on one income (Materialism) or those who think I could be a decent mom/wife and get by even with a job (Minimalism). But I know I will not be happy because I know my family will suffer for it.

I have seen the effect my selfishness this summer has had on my husband and on Emily. The sacrifice Fred has made so that I can study 10-12 hours a day. I think the time is not ripe for my career, but I have the knowledge, the degree, and hopefully I will have the Bar certification when we come back to Virginia in three years. In 2015 we will reassess as a family what God is calling for us to do.

In the meantime I will do what I can to reduce the budget, make some money from home and make our home a haven so Fred can destress when he comes home. I will show my children what it means to be a Christian rather than just tell them. I will work on my relationship with God so that I rely on him and follow his path.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

The Love Dare (Day 6 of 40)

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. Proverbs 16:32

Day 6 of The Love Dare

When you are irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart. Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34 NKJV). Some people are like lemons: when life squeezes them, they pour out a sour response. Some are more like peaches: when the pressure is on, the result is still sweet. – from Chapter 6 in “The Love Dare.”

So far this is the Chapter that has made me feel compunction and the most repentant. I know I am irritable. In Day 5, I was dared to ask Fred to tell me three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or annoyed with me. My irritablity was one. Another (which goes along with this fault) is my sensitivity to any slight or perceived offense.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient. The Love Dare challenges me to remain calm and patient whenever I am frustrated. Love is kind. I am dared to respond pleasantly to prickly situations.

Why do I act this way? Well two reasons are stress and selfishness. The stress is most likely from overworking and not recharging/refocusing. The Bible gives us various ways to reduce stress: to trust in God to guard your heart from anxiety (Philippians 4:5-6) and to delegate (Exodus 18:17-23). No one can do it all. I need to LET Fred help me, even when I don't think he is doing it the right way. He is doing it his own way and that is exactly right.

How is it selfishness?

“Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34 NKJV).

What is my heart filled with? I want it to be love. I want to shower people with patience, kindness and sweetness; NOT sourness.
I don't want my heart to be filled with pride so that whenever I feel slighted I lash out to protect my ego. I don't want my heart filled with bitterness so I respond in a judgmental way (Ephesians 4:31).

What is the solution? Love. Let go of the unneccessaries like pride, bitterness.

Love lowers stress and releases venom

Today I CHOOSE to REACT to tough circumstances in LOVING ways instead of irritation.

How will I add Love to my life?
I will make more time for my family.
I will honor the Sabbath in more than just attending Mass. I will schedule nothing for that day and allow myself to recharge and be renewed with His Spirit of Love.
I will take the time to make at least one meal a day a time to sit down and share with my family.
I will make time to eat right by planning healthy menu for the week.
I will make time to exercise.
I will get enough sleep.

How will I let go of the unneccessaries in my life?
I will reduce the clutter by letting go of possession I do not need.
I will reduce the CHAOS by doing a little bit every day to bless my home.
I will let go of my unresolved anger towards Fred's job --long deployments, unpredictible schedules and lack of stability. Instead I will see it as his way to bless our family with a stable income and bless the nation with his service.
I will take pride in what I am giving to my family and my family's development and let go of my pride in my achievements.
I will put my family over work. I can work later. I can't raise my children and bless my husband later. They need me now more than I need to work.
I will prioritize. What is important: God, Husband, Children, Family, Work, Friends. I will let go of a disagreement before it becomes an argument because it is not a hill worth dying on.